this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
