Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
