omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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