Please, let me fuck your mom
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
