We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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