My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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