I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
