Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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