He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
