My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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