the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
