Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
