Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
