Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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