Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
