I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
