How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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