dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hello my rib-scented angel!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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