I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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