after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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