Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
