Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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