i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize