The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my poor anus
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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