Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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