It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
