RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
