I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
