You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
