I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
