So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
