i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
