She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
