i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
two words...techno handjob
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
