Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
