they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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