I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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