i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my shit smells like andre
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
