so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
