I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
