I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
