Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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