My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
