i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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