No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
