You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
