I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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