she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
