Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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