I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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