Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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