there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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