Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
