Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize