okay pat passed out under dana's car
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize