my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
