just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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