update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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