"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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