Can i not drive my cunt home
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
