Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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