i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
