just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
