Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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