Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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