The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
