If that was your dad, he is hot
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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