dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
