Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
