Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
