What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
