if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize