I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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