He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
