I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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