sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
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a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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