how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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